I would like to say that this is a happy entry but I would be deceiving you.
I have realized that there are a multitude of things that we will never do. I will not get to send my son to school, teach him to read, tie his shoes or ride a bike. I will never tuck him in and check for monsters or share my favorite books and hopes he dreams as I dreamt. I will never watch him open presents that we chose just for him on Christmas, nor see his joy and wonder at an aquarium or zoo. I will never see his smile in a family portrait or celebrate the tooth fairy coming for a lost tooth... I will never bandage a scrape or calm a fear...
I will never say "Gianni, this is your sister Evangelina"
And this makes me feel so guilty.
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Things they dont tell you when you get engaged.
It has come to my attention that marriage is a club, a right of passage if you will that people desperately want you to join so you two can share in the love and triumph and stability among many other things that marriage brings...
But it also brings heartbreak, death of dreams, confusion and more often that not game playing, oh yes that ever so seductive dance that we do while dating... Much to your dismay it continues while you're married...
When I got engaged no one was honest with me, and now that i am in my second year of marriage I wish they would have been. I think more men and women need to talk about this. I would have been better prepared for the daily struggle of a NORMAL marriage had my friends and FAMILY said something.
No one told me that one day you and your husband were going to look at each other and say that your wedding was a waste of money. Or that your sex life was going to suck, or that neither of you were going to know how to cook. That 90% of what you registered for you weren't EVER going to use and that you might get pregnant before you wanted to despite your best efforts, and that your sister in law was going to make it look shamelessly easy and make you feel horrible without even trying. No one says to you that you are one day going to look over at your husband and want to punch him in the face because the toilet paper is rolling backwards, or the cap on the toothpaste is caked in green goup.
Or that you might have to deal with the death of a family member, or cancer, or a divorce of your closest friends or that one or both of you could lose a job...
No one tells you that above all else, at the end of the day you will be grateful to know that you are going to bed with the only other person who knows how you feel and has your best interest in mind.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to talk about these things and I am going to. No more silence on my part, no longer will I go to a bridal shower and say you will never be happier! Or lie and say that it was the best two years of my life! Well in a way it was... but for most of it I was hurt and confused and lost...
That's honest and true...
But it also brings heartbreak, death of dreams, confusion and more often that not game playing, oh yes that ever so seductive dance that we do while dating... Much to your dismay it continues while you're married...
When I got engaged no one was honest with me, and now that i am in my second year of marriage I wish they would have been. I think more men and women need to talk about this. I would have been better prepared for the daily struggle of a NORMAL marriage had my friends and FAMILY said something.
No one told me that one day you and your husband were going to look at each other and say that your wedding was a waste of money. Or that your sex life was going to suck, or that neither of you were going to know how to cook. That 90% of what you registered for you weren't EVER going to use and that you might get pregnant before you wanted to despite your best efforts, and that your sister in law was going to make it look shamelessly easy and make you feel horrible without even trying. No one says to you that you are one day going to look over at your husband and want to punch him in the face because the toilet paper is rolling backwards, or the cap on the toothpaste is caked in green goup.
Or that you might have to deal with the death of a family member, or cancer, or a divorce of your closest friends or that one or both of you could lose a job...
No one tells you that above all else, at the end of the day you will be grateful to know that you are going to bed with the only other person who knows how you feel and has your best interest in mind.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to talk about these things and I am going to. No more silence on my part, no longer will I go to a bridal shower and say you will never be happier! Or lie and say that it was the best two years of my life! Well in a way it was... but for most of it I was hurt and confused and lost...
That's honest and true...
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