Where We have been...

Its been the beginning of an interesting year and we are very happy to report that after much trying, much failure, and several miscarriages that we are expecting a so far healthy baby in September of this year!

Around week 5/6 I had some "spotting" which had sent us to the ER. We later found out that Rob and I have incompatible RH factors and that gives our babies specifically a blood disorder (50/50 chance of not developing) which causes my body to expel any pregnancies it does not feel are viable. After this information was found I was relieved and upset. Upset that we had these tests done, supposedly with our fertility specialist at Kaiser and it was never brought to our attention. Furthermore that they had me thinking I was O- in blood type and I am not I'm actually A-.... Now that we know treatment is relatively simple.

Other than having a mild case of Hyperemesis (Uncontrollable Vomiting and Nausea to the point of weight loss) It has been a pretty routine pregnancy... I am 13lbs down and we are almost ready to start our second trimester! The nausea is getting better and I am feeling relatively human again.

Rob is working about 80hrs a week still running his store in Walnut Creek and is very excited about this baby. We are so thankful to all of you that have been with us through this journey, all of your prayers and thoughts that have been with us are so very apprecitated. We have our NT and CVS coming up this next week and we will keep you posted!

(The picture is our future LO (little one) aka Cubbi, bebe, Tweety Bird, Evie at 9w5d)

The Lost Pearl...

This is a story I read in a book but I feel like it highlights my life right now...

One day my family had gone to the shore on a day trip. My brother and I were playing in the water while my parents read on the beach. Soon after playing in the water we found an oyster bed. There were dozens and dozens of shells some living and some already dead.

We had accumulated a small pile of shells and one that I thought was perfect it was slightly open about an eighth of an inch and something was rattling around inside, I wanted to keep the shell so I tried to shake it out, the oyster innards spilt all over my hands and I went to throw it into the ocean off of the pier. As I threw what I thought was waste off of the pier I saw a small glint in the middle of it. I was young enough to have a firm objective of wanting the perfect shell but old enough to know what I had just thrown away.

I marked the spot with my eyes and swam to the exact spot, I told my brother and we furiously searched the bed where I thought the pearl had landed. Soon enough my parents had told us that it was time to leave soon I frantically told them what had happened and we were now all searching for the pearl. But it was gone and we had a schedule that demanded that we leave almost immediately, we had to go and I left the pearl there in the ocean a gift from the perfect shell that I had thrown away...

Years later after I had been married the subject of children came up and I just wasn't ready in my mind there were things I wanted to do, things I did not want to give up between my husband and I and for seven years of our marriage I tried to find a reason to not have children. Shortly after i had given in and gave birth to our first child we had found out that the days of my childbearing were over, and our brand new baby even at that was a miracle. Eight years I had wasted that I could have had children... A gift from a perfect shell that God had given me I had again thrown away... I tried to make Gods timing my timing

~makes you think doesn't it?

Privileged

So many thoughts come to mind when you say the word privileged. So many different things can be taken the wrong way... I'm not talking about the privilege of being born in to money or being genetically gifted... well maybe I am...

Rob and I have suffered so many fertility problems over the past three years... All resulting in the death of an infant son and three miscarriages.

I noticed myself becoming bitter the other day. I mean truly bitter in every sense of the word when the fourth person in my life said something to the effect of "Oh and we weren't even trying to get pregnant"

It stung me to my core...

Its hard enough to be thinking about it every day, every moment of everyday really, and to be blindsided with the face that you don't really hurts. Not that I am upset by people that can because I cant, but I am.

Its not logical and its purely emotional and its an obsession that I don't think will be quenched until we have a baby in our home...

I guess I just wanted to touch on that note of privilege...