When my husband and I met he was joining my show "already in progress" so to speak. I had a long career of dating the same guy in a different package with the same problems. And I was sick and tired of it. So I tried online dating, and much to my surprise it worked! TA DA! Well duh it worked you paid it to work for you...
He and I became friends and talked for months about who else we were dating and where we wanted our lives to go and where we saw ourselves in two or three years, and then in five and then in ten...
And I have to tell you while we were up late and on the phone or on a date we were the only two people in the world and it was fine for me. I wanted that, I needed that.
We met on eHarmony and were matched in late 2005 talked through most of 2006 and began dating, took a break at my hand and then were married in November of 2007. A process that now looking back was entirely too short. When they match you, you already know everything from religion to blood type and shoe size amongst favorite books personal goals and what the persons friends may or may not think about them from their perspective.
Now part of me loved that, I love getting to know people. QUALITY people and eHarmony completely delivered that. But once their part was done I let the communication go by the wayside and I was completely and utterly twitterpated with my now husband... this would come back to bite me in the ass later...
eHarmony is fantastic and I would recommend it to any one who is done with conventional dating.
But I would also recommend new couple counseling to ALL the people that get engaged coming from me I think we needed that and after talking to other couples I think they needed it too.
I just don't know what happened between I'm falling for you and I do...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Things they dont tell you when you get engaged.
It has come to my attention that marriage is a club, a right of passage if you will that people desperately want you to join so you two can share in the love and triumph and stability among many other things that marriage brings...
But it also brings heartbreak, death of dreams, confusion and more often that not game playing, oh yes that ever so seductive dance that we do while dating... Much to your dismay it continues while you're married...
When I got engaged no one was honest with me, and now that i am in my second year of marriage I wish they would have been. I think more men and women need to talk about this. I would have been better prepared for the daily struggle of a NORMAL marriage had my friends and FAMILY said something.
No one told me that one day you and your husband were going to look at each other and say that your wedding was a waste of money. Or that your sex life was going to suck, or that neither of you were going to know how to cook. That 90% of what you registered for you weren't EVER going to use and that you might get pregnant before you wanted to despite your best efforts, and that your sister in law was going to make it look shamelessly easy and make you feel horrible without even trying. No one says to you that you are one day going to look over at your husband and want to punch him in the face because the toilet paper is rolling backwards, or the cap on the toothpaste is caked in green goup.
Or that you might have to deal with the death of a family member, or cancer, or a divorce of your closest friends or that one or both of you could lose a job...
No one tells you that above all else, at the end of the day you will be grateful to know that you are going to bed with the only other person who knows how you feel and has your best interest in mind.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to talk about these things and I am going to. No more silence on my part, no longer will I go to a bridal shower and say you will never be happier! Or lie and say that it was the best two years of my life! Well in a way it was... but for most of it I was hurt and confused and lost...
That's honest and true...
But it also brings heartbreak, death of dreams, confusion and more often that not game playing, oh yes that ever so seductive dance that we do while dating... Much to your dismay it continues while you're married...
When I got engaged no one was honest with me, and now that i am in my second year of marriage I wish they would have been. I think more men and women need to talk about this. I would have been better prepared for the daily struggle of a NORMAL marriage had my friends and FAMILY said something.
No one told me that one day you and your husband were going to look at each other and say that your wedding was a waste of money. Or that your sex life was going to suck, or that neither of you were going to know how to cook. That 90% of what you registered for you weren't EVER going to use and that you might get pregnant before you wanted to despite your best efforts, and that your sister in law was going to make it look shamelessly easy and make you feel horrible without even trying. No one says to you that you are one day going to look over at your husband and want to punch him in the face because the toilet paper is rolling backwards, or the cap on the toothpaste is caked in green goup.
Or that you might have to deal with the death of a family member, or cancer, or a divorce of your closest friends or that one or both of you could lose a job...
No one tells you that above all else, at the end of the day you will be grateful to know that you are going to bed with the only other person who knows how you feel and has your best interest in mind.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to talk about these things and I am going to. No more silence on my part, no longer will I go to a bridal shower and say you will never be happier! Or lie and say that it was the best two years of my life! Well in a way it was... but for most of it I was hurt and confused and lost...
That's honest and true...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)